Lost in Blue
by Nagone
Summary: When you fall in love, sometimes it's a hard thing to cope with. But when Axel fights for Roxas' life after a suicidal attempt, love, pain and sexuality become easier to understand for Roxas... Warning: Yaoi, Light Cursing.


Lost in Blue by Syrus Gardenia Fuze

Disclaimer: I have no right to Kingdom Hearts, for if I did, there'd be Yaoi and smut in places like Winnie the Pooh and Alice in Wonderland.

Word Count (With Disclaimer and Notes): 3, 825 Words

Word Count (Without Disclaimer and Notes): 3,476 Words

_And now commences Lost in Blue…._

◄►

Roxas was not gay.

It wasn't possible.

It was a sin.

True, the sunshine blonde- boy did have a small, tiny, minuet crush on the red- haired, flaming Axel, but he chalked it up to the fact that him and his twin, Sora, had been hanging out more and more with Axel and Sora's boyfriend, Riku. After all, when you hang out minimum 72- hours per week with someone, you're bound to like them, correct? But it was Axel that left him in a state of

Well…At least that's what Roxas told Sora. Sora had grown so used to this that he had even developed a comeback every time Roxas disagreed. It usually was something like this:

"Roxas, you so are gay. Now, run along like a good boy so I can get back to Riku and actually have some fun."

It always left Roxas defenseless and speechless. He wasn't good with Sora's out and proud schedule nor was he happy that Sora was, well… happy. But it was Axel that really, truly, deeply left him powerless. It was always Axel, with his fiery red hair, his deep, emerald eyes, his catlike body. It was always Axel that partnered up with Roxas when they played video games. It was always Axel that whispered naughty things into Roxas' ears before walking away laughing. Always him. Never anyone else.

By now, any normal person would've thought that Roxas would've grown used to it. It didn't affect Sora, but then again, Sora was being constantly screwed by Riku, so perverted things wouldn't have even made him flinch. On the other hand, Roxas would turn blood red and burry his head into Axel's chest. This would then lead to Roxas realizing this and running to the bathroom to fix various "problems."

But never did Roxas think he was gay.

Even when he and Axel brushed against each other while eating Sea Salt Ice Cream on the beach with Riku and Sora. Even when he and Axel stared into each others eyes and found themselves lost within each other. The only time Roxas ever though he felt some pain was when school started again and he wouldn't see Axel so much. He spent the last sunny days spent crying in his room, begging the higher powers to let him figure out what was wrong with him.

Midway into a session, Sora barged into him room and plopped down onto the bed. "Rox, you love him. Just admit it and tell him."

Roxas looked up, his normally sea salt blue eyes clouded red with tears and too much sobbing. "No, I don't. I can't. I'm not gay. I like girls like-"

Sora leaned forward. "Like who? Namine? Kairi? Selphie?"

Roxas nodded no. "Namine and Kairi have a thing and Selphie likes Tidus. Olette likes Wakka and…. I'm gay… aren't I?" It was more of a statement, but to Roxas, it sounded like a question. Like he was lost and his brother was the only one who could pull him back from the darkness he once escaped.

Sora nodded. "Yes. You like Axel. You should see how lost he gets in your eyes. It's like he can't help but look away."

Roxas nodded before more tears emptied from his eyes. "I can't be though Sora. I'm supposed to like girls. I can't do this. What about my friends and my -"

Sora interrupted. "Roxas, your friends figured it out. Now, I'm gonna be honest, I'm don't know if Axel is willing to admit, but you have all school year. He's bound to be in some of your artsy- fartsy classes you have."

Roxas chuckled, a light, humorless sound. "Yeah… you're right… I guess. Well, I might as well get some rest."

Sora tussled Roxas' hair before nodding. "Night bro."

Roxas nodded before shutting his eyes. "Night... Sora."

Roxas sighed as he passed thru the doors of Destiny High's courtyard entrance. He'd had a sleepless night, what with dreams of drowning and red flashing under his eyelids. He'd managed to somehow pull himself out of bed, much to his personal distaste. He'd already gotten his locker and was in the motions of shoving his British Lit books into the black ceiling high contraption. He pulled out a notepad, a box of charcoals and pencils and sulked down to the Art Hall. He plopped down in a seat, and seeing as he had noticed that he was one of ten in his class (He had been chosen for all the Honors Art Classes for his skills for his senior year), he decided to move up to the middle instead of sulking in the back.

But nothing could have removed his mood quicker than the red that flashed in front of him.

Clad in skin- tight black jeans, an emerald Chinese- styled top, hair pulled back into a ponytail, and reading glasses was none other than Axel. Roxas felt his face heat up as he tried to prune his hoodie and jeans. He felt so plan compared to the red- head. He felt dull like his charcoals after hours of drawing. After deeming himself proper, he managed to look up at the board. "Hey there Roxy."

Roxas jerked his head to the side to face Axel…. Sitting next to him… breathing the same air. He shook his head before snapping. "Don't call me Roxy!"

Axel chuckled before nodding and pushing up his glasses. Roxas sat on his hand to keep from reaching out and pulling them off. "Sorry. My bad man. So, you taking this?" Roxas managed a slight nod. "Cool, cool. Mind if I join you here? I'm taking all arts for the rest of the day."

Roxas' eyes lit up. "Same here!" He looked down before composing himself. "I mean, same here."

Axel smiled gently. "Roxas, be who you are. You don't have to be afraid to get excited around me." Axel winked slyly before the teacher walked in. Roxas would have talked to him later. He'd have to proclaim his love. He'd have to tell Axel.

Sora and Riku joined them at lunch. They all sprawled out in the courtyard, couples like Sora and Riku snuggling and enjoying the sunlight basking on them. Axel and Roxas lay rigid, like boards. Sora chuckled. Riku merely rolled his eyes and went back to sleep.

"So," Axel and Roxas spoke. Axel blushed and turned his head. He spoke first. "So, Roxas… you um, date?"

Roxas squealed, knowing that somehow, Sora had told Riku who told Axel. He snarled inside his head. "Well… not really."

Axel sat up. "An adorable kid like you doesn't date?"

Roxas nodded, brushing off the comment. Four classes beside Axel had strengthened his resolve, but not his growing mental libido. "Yeah… I'm kinda in the middle of some change."

Axel chuckled, a sound like snow falling. "You just came out." It was a statement if anything.

That threw Roxas. He sputtered and glared at Sora and Riku, who stopped mid- make out and smirked before returning to business at hand. "Yes," he spat, more at Sora than anyone else. He lowered his voice as tears trickled down his cheeks. "Yes…" He felt arms wrap around his lithe body. Red hair felt into his nose. Roxas sucked some in. It smelled like cinnamon. Roxas shuddered at how comfortable Axel made him feel.

"Heh, it's alright kid. I mean it's not like you love me or something. I mean, dude, you're just a friend. I don't do friends and all. Too much connection and not enough distance and stuff, ya know?" Roxas felt his heart stop as the tears doubled in portions. Axel smiled before licking away every tear on Roxas' face. Roxas flashed his bright blue eyes, clouded with hurt, before getting up and running off. Axel extended his hand in a feeble attempt to grab at the fleeing boy as he watched Roxas' gravity tip forward as he ran, but it was already too late. Roxas was gone.

It was Axel that heard the car crash. Roxas was its victim. Axel chuckled at how some smuck was probably racing too fast down a crowded street. Roxas stood and let it take him. Sora, Riku, and Axel charged thru the crowd. Roxas left because he couldn't find the strength to admit he loved Axel. All because he knew it would be unrequited deep in his heart. Axel felt Roxas' voice calling to him. Something was wrong. _Not my baby_, he thought. _Not my baby_.

It was real. Roxas' body crumpled on a cement background was real. The blood pouring from his chest and head was real. The single tear that emptied from his searing ice blue eye was real. It was that moment that Axel realized how much the summer had changed him. How much Roxas had changed him.

Axel let a guttural cry empty from his throat. Sora wrapped his arms around Riku and sobbed. The school poured into the streets. Silence fell. A note freed itself into Axel's palms from the baggy pocket of Roxas' hoodie. He flicked it open with his lanky fingernails, the chipped black paint falling onto the paper in slow motion. The writing inside was spidery, like it had been writing late in the morning, slowly and deliberately, with a hint of fear or uncertainty. Axel couldn't tell which. He simply steeled himself for one silent moment and read.

_I don't know how to put. Maybe I've felt like this since when we first met and you kissed my hand. Or maybe it was when we found a way out of the darkness together and saved ourselves. Maybe it was when you sang to me and told me it was our song. Hell, it could've even been when we didn't have a heart to love with. I don't know, but what I do know is that I love you and that I want to be with you._

_-Roxas_

Axel let out a chocked sob and felt Riku and Sora help him into the Ambulance when it arrived. Voice rang around him, saying things like "He's going to die soon" and "He's not gonna make it" and her felt hands embrace him as he sobbed, nasty and noisy, over his one love's body. It took three nurses to hold him back from beating them away from Roxas' svelte figure when the tried to pull a sheet across his pale, broken body.

He felt the van jerk to a stop as they unloaded everyone and told them to follow and wait in the foyer. Axel paced circles between crying out for Roxas and cursing with every word he knew and some he created. Sora gripped Riku's hand between praying to the heavens for his brother and sobbing into Riku's lips. A doctor came out. Riku had to wrestle Axel to the ground to keep him from attacking the doctor. "Roxas will live," he spoke, a soft smile on his face. "Something, or someone, saved him. He's just got some bleeding internally, but we managed to get him cleaned up. Oddly enough, somehow he was perfect once we started cleaning him. He'll be good for release tomorrow." Axel felt tears fall freely when he was told he could go see him. Roxas lay, curled up on a bed, his soft yellow hair splayed across the sheets, bandages criss- crossing on his stomach. He hummed to himself.

"Roxas," he cried. "Roxas!" He felt his soul almost rush out of his body to meet Roxas'.

Roxas gasped before leaping out of the bed and into Axel's arms. Axel smiled and sealed his lips over Roxas', who simply gave into Axel's whims. They smiled at each other, eyes glowing like gems. Sora and Riku clapped playfully, smiles shining. Roxas blushed and buried his head into Axel's chest. "Heh, looks like Destiny High has a new set of lovers!"

Riku nodded and patted Roxas on his good shoulder before mouthing "Good job, bro" to him will Axel looked away. Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas and mouthed "Damn Right" at Riku before smirking. Sora smiled and chuckled softly before speaking. "Roxas, you get to get out tomorrow. Thank god it's the weekend! Now Axel can have some fun! Just make sure you-" Riku clapped a hand over his lover's mouth before waving good- bye and leaving. Roxas plopped back onto the bed, a shower of yellow hair falling in his eyes.

"Roxas, I got your note. I love you. You're all I see. You're all I want. You're all I need."

Roxas felt his eyes glow. "Axel…." He felt Axel's lips seal back over his before he flicked the light out over their heads.

"No talkie," Axel murmured. "Sleepy- time. Night Rox."

It was the first time in months Roxas had slept peacefully without waking up to wet sheets filled with tears.

Sora and Riku greeted Roxas and Axel the next morning. Sora had left with Riku to do God knows what, leaving Axel with Roxas under his care. Roxas slept a majority of the car ride home, all except the mumble of "I Love You" he had managed. The doctor warned Axel to take care of Roxas because of the blood loss. Roxas was to take a pill every four hours for his blood clotting and to be bathed by hand for a while until he was back on his feet. Axel smirked at that before nodding and thanking the doctor. He chuckled at the faint memory before pulling up to Roxas's house. "Wake up kid. We're home."

Roxas' eyelids fluttered open at Axel's soft voice. Axel carried him bridal- style to the door, passing by Sora naked on the couch and Riku still thrusting into him. Roxas' eyes grew wide as he squealed, causing Riku to slow down slightly. Sora moaned beneath him before screaming at Riku to stop. Axel chuckled. "Um, we'll be in Roxas' room."

Sora moaned as Riku thrust again before releasing, which in turned cause Sora to scream his sentence. "Have fun you twooooooo!" Riku smiled before leaning down and kissing Sora. He threw a peace sign to Axel before starting back up again.

Once in the safety of Roxas' room, Axel pulled off his shirt, smelly from the previous day and plopped down to a shaken Roxas. "Oh… my… god… My brother's not a virgin."

Axel scoffed playfully. "Well, duh! He's with Riku, the sex god of Destiny Island. Of course they both aren't virgins. Sora was Riku's first. Why'd you think Sora wasn't as innocent anymore?"

Roxas blushed. "He matured?"

Axel chuckled before pushing back a stray lock of hair from Roxas' face. The blonde boy blushed before leaning in for a sweet kiss from Axel. Axel pushed his tongue against Roxas' lip, begging for entrance into his mouth. Axel smirked as he forced his tongue in, tasting the lemon- flavored boy beneath him. Roxas scratched at Axel's back with sharp nails, begging for more and more. Axel slid Roxas' shirt of, gently kissing down his neck and leaving purple- red marks for Sora to crack jokes about for weeks. Roxas moaned as Axel kissed down between his small, toned stomach. Axel lapped his way back up until he found a nipple. He popped it into his mouth before sucking hard. Roxas' moaned and clawed at the air. Axel sucked until both of the pink nubs were hard. Roxas' felt his pants get tighter. Axel smirked at Roxas' expression when his leg brushed his erection. Axel winked before crushing his hips into Roxas', electricity spurting thru them. Roxas rocked his hip harder into Axel's, craving release and satisfaction. Axel pushed his hips back down and pinned the blonde with his hands before sucking in puffs of air. Roxas blinked slowly, like a cat. Axel smirked before pulled down both the blonde's pants and boxers. He nuzzled the blonde's happy trail and hefty erection before sucking it noisily. Axel did not like to waste time. Roxas attempted to rock his hips forward into Axel's mouth, the heat unbearably spreading thru him. Roxas knew this sensation pooling in his belly. "Axel… I can't hold out much longer…" Axel nodded before letting the erection pop out of his mouth slowly. Roxas glared, his body shaking with tension.

Axel ran a finger down the pulsating vein twisting around Roxas's member. He felt the boy shiver violently. "Not yet. I want to feel you shake with me inside your tight body. After all, this is my first time too."

Roxas nodded as Axel shimmied sexily out of his jeans. Roxas blanched at the size of Axel's member. "That's... that's not gonna fit Axel!"

"We'll see…"Axel smiled sexily before shoving three fingers into his mouth. Roxas watched as the redhead touched his own body, shivers ripping thru both boys' spines. Axel popped his wet fingers out of his mouth slowly before inserting them one at a time into Roxas. Axel tunneled around, searching for what would make Roxas see stars. Roxas cried out loudly, his body contracting against Axel's touch. Bingo.

Roxas relaxed as Axel inserted his member into the blonde. Axel hissed. "You're… tight…"

Roxas smirked painfully. "You're… big. Deal with it."

Axel smiled sweetly before kissing Roxas. He pulled back, slowly and deliberately. Roxas was tempted to impale himself if Axel didn't hurry. Axel saw the want on Roxas' face. He shoved back in. Roxas screamed. Axel repeated his movement before pulling Roxas's thin legs over his shoulders and lifting him slightly. He aimed and thrusted again. Roxas screeched. _Bingo_, Axel thought. _I've done. _Roxas clawed at Axel's back, leaving half- moon crescents imbedded in the skin, blood languidly oozing down in slow rivers. Axel groped around until he reached Roxas' member. He squeezed and felt the boy beneath him shiver. "A-axel! I'm gonna-" Roxas never got a chance to finish. He and Axel screamed as Roxas came between them, cum sliding down his sides and covering Axel's taut stomach. Axel filled Roxas to the brim, causing the younger boy to cry out hoarsely at the top of his lungs. Axel took in a sharp breath before sealing Roxas' mouth with his lips. Roxas blushed softly, more from the fact that he had blood loss in his brain. Axel's kisses did that to him though. Axel did everything to him though.

Axel smiled as he let his lips slid off of Roxas' with a satisfying pop. They locked gazes, Axel losing himself once more in Roxas' deep, blue eyes. Beneath after glows and cinders of love- making, Axel could decipher the past, the darkness that they had been enveloped in, the pain they had suffered from the Organization. All the times Axel watch Roxas die inside and all the times Axel could have saved him with one simple touch. But beneath that, Axel found himself lost in the blue that was Roxas' love, the love that only was revealed for Axel. Roxas whispered "I love you" to Axel before shutting his eyes, though their fiery glaze was burned into Axel like his own hellfire. Axel smiled before shutting his emerald eyes, allowing the aftermath in his heart to lull him to sleep.

Roxas was gay.

It was a possibility.

It felt so natural to be in love with Axel. Sin or not.

But he didn't care. When he went back to school the following week, he didn't receive any unwanted attention, but he found himself being watched by everyone as though they could see the remnants of Axel in him, resting on his skin, pouring from his mouth, smearing his body like a paste.

Axel walked proudly next to him, happy to be cooped up in the warm art room with Roxas for four hours and then another set of two. He slung his arm around his waist lazily and smirked at all the girls and boys that stared with obvious jealously. Roxas even let himself relax into Axel's touch before kissing him in the middle of the hall, tongue battling on the spot. Catcalls echoed around them, all their friends cheering and laughing until Axel and Roxas and everyone was in a fit of tears. Roxas stared deeply into Axel's eyes, emerald gems burning with love that had formed within years of darkness and "heartlessness" and a summer of being together as true human beings, not fragments of hearts that had not yet healed. Axel stared back, ignoring the warning bell. He extended his hand to Roxas. "Wanna skip?" He asked, a cat- like grin spreading across his cheeks.

Roxas rolled his eyes playfully. "Second day of school and we're already skipping?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Feh, why not?" He grasped Axel's hand, eyes mixing together, green and blue, like gems scattered across the Milky Way.

_And deep inside of Axel, he knew he had lost himself in blue._

◄▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬►

**Author's Note: This is the second ****rendition** of this piece of work. I wrote this with the music in my heart and the second chance I found when I was lost in blue myself, though the blue for me was the ice blue of my best friend and his wisdom. Now I'm lost in brown. This fanfiction is deticated to all the lovers out there tonight that are trying to find someone who they can be with. This is to everyone who gets lost in the rainbow of eyes out there. Thank you for reading. This means a lot to me that you've taken your time.

**COMING SOON: Lost in Blue, Second in the Five Part Saga. Sora is up next and with him Riku. It will be continued from this story even though all of them past the orignal will fall under a different pairing. Next will be Lost in Blue 3, Demyx's Story (Zemyx), followed by Lost in Blue 4, Cloud's Story (Cleon), and finally, Lost in Blue 5, Dawn of a New Time which will bring together all the characters in a conclusion.**


End file.
